Mixed Metaphors - An Art Form

The subject of this blog installment is pretty silly. I am pretty sure it does not qualify for "a word fitly spoken" but it is about words. That aside, I have to share with you my delight in the art form of the mixed metaphor. I absolutely love a good mixed metaphor, it does such funny things in my mind. The hardest part of relishing a good mixed metaphor is being able to catch it as it is being said. That is the beauty of the whole thing. Often times a good mixed metaphor is a good scramble of two or more metaphors but the outcome is the same if you understand what I am saying. For instance, here is a mixed metaphor I actually heard a very astute man say one time; "that guy got the raw end of the stick". Not a pretty word picture, but an excellent example of the art form. Let's dissect this little jewel. The two metaphors were, "a raw deal" and "the short end of the stick". Put raw and stick together and you get "raw end of the sick". Awesome! It is so messed up but the person hearing it actually understands exactly what is meant that the whole thing is seamless to the point you may not even catch it. A common mixed metaphor you may hear all of the time is; "it's not rocket surgery". The two obvious metaphors: "it's not rocket science" and "it's not brain surgery". Once again it rises to the form of art as you know exactly what is meant even though there is no such thing as "rocket surgery", neither do sticks have raw ends. Amazing.

This is now a family sport between my wife and I and our two sons. When we come across a jewel such as these, we share a moment of pure joy. It qualifies as part of the "family humor", you know, the sort of inside jokes that only your family understands. There needs be no explanation between the family members as what may appear to a non-family member as something that just does not make sense in any way. Ah, but it does. What the outsider lacks is the context in which such a thing was originally spoken. Just the mention of the punchline is enough to bring back all of the humor, joy and delight of the thing.

Speaking of this, my wife caught the ultimate jewel the other day. It was so good I had to email my sons within minutes of my wife opening this beauty. This mixed metaphor is so AMAZING that I didn't even know it could possibly exist. A TRIPLE MIXED METAPHOR! I cannot tell you how much mileage I have gotten out of this, it is simply genius. She was listening to a speaker telling the audience how we must be prepared and flexible at all times, that we must be able to (here it is...) "shift on a dime's notice". WOW! That is simply the most complex and wonderful mixed metaphor I have ever heard. It was presented so smoothly and seamlessly that it appeared that no one else in the room was even able to catch it. If there had been, there would have at least been several people scratching their heads trying to figure out what was just said.

Let us examine the complexity of this crown jewel. Three metaphors: "shift gears", "stop on a dime" and "in a moment's notice." Mix them and you get "shift on a dime's notice". This is absolute genius level metaphor mixing. I am in awe. Given years I think I might have only come up with "shift on a dime" if I was inspired. To add the third metaphor messes the message up so amazingly but the message is the same. I simply am humbled by this person's ability and cranial capacity. I have met a master metaphor mixer.

So, if you like mixed metaphors please share them with me. You may have to "burn the midnight oil at both ends" to think of a few, but the sacrifice of time will be worth it. This is an under appreciated art form that deserves to be preserved. Perhaps we can work together to collect and publish these beautiful (and sometimes not) word pictures that can transform speech into something of marvel and mystery.

How Do You Do Missions?

The immense difficulties of world missions is at times staggering. From the value of the dollar on the world exchange, immigration policies of individual countries, training, languages, culture to raising enough funds from reliable sources to get there, one can wonder that missions can be done at all. Hearing this past week of the challenges our missions departments face was amazing. The fact that we are actually gaining ground in planting churches and spreading the gospel is a miracle of great proportions. Essentially, three things are needed in abundance to make missions work: 1. People who are called 2. Correct strategies 3. Money.

Fortunately the first category seems to be percolating along fine at the moment. However, it is not something to be taken for granted. Missional vision must be implanted into young people at an early stage. A calling comes from a prepared heart. It takes someone who would rather help others than make a lot of money or spend all of their time thinking about themselves. The possibility of living this way must be presented in a way that holds this kind of worldview high. What we champion, celebrate and who our heroes are will communicate to a young person the kind of life they will choose to live.

The second category is also presently doing well, although it is in great change. The classic missionary strategy that sends a missionary to a foreign country to get an unrestricted visa to live in that country for an indefinite period of time is quickly becoming and even now may be obsolete. Many missionaries are having to do their work on temporary two to three month “tourist” visas as it is. Even “friendly” countries like England have put people like Benny Hinn and Don Fransisco on the next plane out of the country when they tried to get through customs on a religious visa. We have previously called these countries “restricted access” countries. We are now calling these countries “creative access” countries. These countries who doubt the value of Christianity still want people who will bring value to their countries like teachers, or business people. Going to a Bible school and then into missions work will probably only survive in the short term. What is needed now are doctors, nurses, language teachers and business people who can do the missionary work while employing their professional expertise. The strategies to do missional work must continue to evolve as the political environment of the world changes.

The third category is the troublesome one. There never is or rather, never has been enough money. The need is a yawning chasm at every turn. Not only because of a shrinking dollar but because of the nature of how the strategy of missions is changing. One of the open doors to us is humanitarian aid. Medical missions needs a lot of money. So does feeding orphans and helping people in poverty. It is a hole so deep you can’t fathom the bottom of it. But we do what we can with what we have so that we might save some. How do we continue to raise funding for an increasingly large missions force? We must simply find ways. Plant churches, grow churches, ask every Christian to give to missions, find ways to harness the non-Christian world to fund missions. How do we do this? That question has to be asked each day, every week and all year long. Recessions or not, the Great Commission takes no time off and makes no excuses. It simply must be done. What can you do? What can I do? What can we do together? I am confident that the Lord of the Harvest will give us current strategies and ideas to answer the questions we raise. In a day where we are reaching further, opening previously unopened doors, and seeing more people won into the kingdom than ever before, we cannot slack now. Maybe we might actually have to consider personal sacrifice in order that we may do more. We might have to actually win more people to Christ than ever before to spread the vision of missions. Whatever it is, it will take more from us than it is at present in order to do what God has asked us to do. I’m up for it. Are you?

And That Would Be Where?

I had quite a nice time at the Pastor’s Missions Forum here in Atlanta this week. I met a lot of nice people and heard lots of information about missions around the world. Getting back to the meeting lots of nice people part, I still am amazed at the celebrity status one has just being from Alaska. Alaska! Is the response you usually get right after they ask where you are from. Next they want to know about Sarah Palin, do you know her? Do you think she is ready for being president? It all makes for unending small talk. Several of the pastors I spoke with had actually been to Alaska to work on a MAPS project, most in places even I have never been after living in Alaska for 37 years. I thanked all of them for their contribution to our district and encouraged them to come back again and again as we really need volunteer help across our state.

And then, there was the usual ignorance about Alaska. I met one pastor from Florida in the hall as we walked to the meeting room together. He had heard I was from Texas. I responded, “no, I am from the larger state.” He looked at me with an absolute blank look on his face and said, “and that would be where….?” Alaska, I said, the state twice as big as Texas. Oh, yes, he said. Even most of the ones who seemed to know where Alaska is, there is that pause where after you tell them where you are from they have to go through their mental file to place that location. That’s just before the Alaska! part.

Then finally there is the segment of those who cannot possibly imagine anyone actually living in Alaska. I was riding the hotel shuttle back to the airport and a nice lady from South Carolina, that would be South Carolina, or however you might write with a very significant southern drawl. When I said I was from Alaska, her face became very pained looking, and I thought she was going to scold me. “Ooohhh” was all she said. I think it was sympathy or something close to that, pity perhaps? Even though the guy flying to Minneapolis sitting next to me was going to encounter temperatures far colder than I was going to step off the plane into in Kenai, I got the sympathy or pity, and not the guy from Minneapolis.

That’s OK, I guess. I like where I live. I don’t miss the traffic, or the crime (they chain-link fence and lock everything there in Atlanta), or the humidity, or muddy disgusting looking rivers and their “mountains” that hardly qualify as a rounded bump on the topography. No, living in Alaska has been good to me and my family. I think I’ll stay right here.

Alaska to Georgia is a long ways...

I think I was not made to travel much. Nothing fits, not airplanes, not hotel beds, not shuttles or whatever else moves the public in mass transportation. After a very long day I feel like I have had a massive workout, my hamstring is feeling like it wants to double up, the small of my back feels tweaked and for some reason I just kind of ache all over. All from doing nothing? It reminds me that Alaska is a long ways from Georgia. One of the legs I flew, it was sunny and clear and I looked out the window down on some parts of the country we were flying over. Incredible mountains, flat, flat farm country, some with roads and little houses, some vacant and immense. Whoever wrote "America the Beautiful" must have seen what I saw. What a beautiful country we live in.

The Excuse

In case you haven't heard, I recently went to the doctor for an annual physical. To be honest, I wasn't feeling the best but there was nothing really wrong with me. I wasn't expecting anything to come up or be of concern, except how much I weighed, but hey, everyone gains weight, right? Well I knew something was up when the nurse called me back to get another blood sample. A week or so later I was scheduled for a little talk with my doctor. He was a little concerned that I was a near diabetic. I was a mere three-tenths of a point away from being officially diabetic. However, with a change in my diet and the addition of some regular exercise this could change. That did it, I had the excuse to make some changes in my life.

These changes I understand can't be temporary or just until I shed some pounds. I am fully convinced that I must live differently from the first fifty years of my life. I have the excuse I need to make some real changes in my life. I am actually happy about all of it. After just two weeks of eating differently I am feeling so much better. I am not experiencing some of the symptoms of being tired and constant hunger any longer and I am just feeling good. It becomes its own reward. So, I am in this for life. I am not temped to go back the the old way of eating because I know it is a downward spiral. There is nothing there for me any longer. I am content with the good things I can eat and that is fine with me.

I was thinking how similar this experience is to someone who comes to Christ out of a life of sin. Just as I can't make a "sort of" break with my old eating patterns and expect it to work, neither can the person who comes to Christ continue to live the life of sin and expect Christianity to work in their life. Just as there is nothing good for me to go back to in the old way of eating, neither is there anything worth going back to in our old lives of sin, it didn't work for us then and it won't work for us now. It is the total break and the obedience to living differently that is necessary.

The bottom line? It becomes its own reward. It's just a better life. The benefits from serving Jesus become the motivation and joy that keeps us here. Just and I am already experiencing the difference of how I feel by eating differently and know it is making my body healthier, I have no desire for a donut or pie or cake or cookies as good as they might taste, I know they will do nothing good for me. Neither will sin. We must separate the desire we have to sin from what it will do for us so we can see it will take us no where good.

Well, a year from now you may not recognize me. My Wii Fit tells me I am already down 6 pounds. I can't wait until that number is double digits. I am ready to feel even better.

Discover

We all live, but what makes you excited to be alive? I have a theory that discovery is a common denominator to making the majority of us feel alive. To some discovery is achieved by reading a good book, others by defying death on a bungee cord, and to the rest of us, something in-between. For me, discovery is my adventure. Discovering a place I’ve never been before, discovering something new about myself, discovering new knowledge, discovering a treasure in the midst of the mundane. Sometimes the discovery is long sought, sometimes it is a sudden surprise, all the time it is exciting.

The adventure is not in the things I have discovered, but in the next discovery. The next discovery is why Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492, why Lewis and Clark signed on the “Voyage of Discovery”, the Wright brothers went to Kitty Hawk and why men have walked on the moon.

A component of my theory is that discovery can’t sit on the shelf, it has to be experienced new. An old adventure is no adventure at all. Most of the books that have fed my thinking now sit on the shelf, their influence over. The places I have discovered I don’t really need to go to again except to reminisce. The treasures I have placed on the shelf cease to interest me before long. Discovery needs to be a current affair..

Now I can’t go treasure hunting every day and I can’t travel as often as I like, nor does my wife want me to defy death daily, especially when she is with me. That is why I do pick up one book daily and read it again and again. In it I discover something new every day. At my last count, I numbered 40 examples of this same book in my library. I have read this book of discovery from cover to cover now over 27 times. I learn new things, go to distant lands, ponder the infinite and discover truths I find no where else. This book doesn’t rest on the shelf but travels daily, in my heart and my mind. My discoveries are limited only by the time and effort I give to searching out the words of this book. My drive to discover from this book is fed by who the book is about. With this book I am a life-long learner, a perpetual student and an adventurous sojourner.

Many people have passed this book over, mistaking it for the mundane when it is the treasure hidden in the field. Many come near to finding its bounty but place it on the shelf, closing the door to discovery. However, many have discovered what I have discovered and I would also say have discovered more than I have discovered and yet have not exhausted the adventure. You know which book I am speaking of, the book of books, the best seller of all time, the most documented, most studied, most debated, most praised, most criticized, most published, most translated most read book in the history of the world. I urge you, reader, begin your adventure of discovery.